Carried by LOVE * New Blog

Hi Sweet JillyG's Fans!

I just wanted to take a moment and invite you to join me on my new

 blogging adventure

Carried by Love

Please come on over and help to "Carry" my husband and I through our Adoption Journey as we hopefully soon become new parents!

We also have a FaceBook Fan Page set up to get regular updates as well.

I would really LOVE to see my fellow Brave Girls there too

if you found me through the community of the most amazing women ever!

Today, they are auctioning off some of the MOST amazing items ever

to raise money for the Dahlia House that will help

save the lives of women forced into Sex Trafficing

and help to retore their lives to their most beautiful self!

Come on over and join us as we are "Carried by LOVE"

XOXO!

and...She heals me...just like that.

Today is my Birthday. My 38th Birthday. I can't believe I am 38 years old... Honestly, where did the time go?

 

I have left social media for a little while intentionally. To take a break from everyone else's life. To not play the comparison game. To just breathe on my own for a little bit.

Adoption news was slow and sad and thick with living in limbo-ville. I had to set it all down for just a little while.

 

I need to catch my breath.

 

I celebrated Christmas with my Husband. Just me and Him in Williamsburg, VA. We felt rebellious. It was wonderful. I took in some deep, deep soul breaths there.

 

We celebrated the new year with the arrival of my brother's twin baby girls, Charlotte and Mayes. They are beautiful miracles. They are precious children of God. They are tiny, pink and perfect.

I took some more deep breaths. Breaths filled with joy and beauty and welcoming of two babies so desperatly loved and wanted and fought for!

 

They were here. Finally...here.

 

My heart ached a little in this beautiful moment that I might feel this love one day too. This love for my own baby. I lost a little of my breath I had gained. Two steps forward...one step back.

 

We got an update on a profile to meet an Expectant Mother. I instanly connected my heart to hers the moment I heard her name. We said "Yes!" please show us to her. Another email, We were narrowed down to one of four couples! I took in a deep soul breath and held it. An email, You have been selected along with another couple to meet the Expectant Mother. She really likes you and wants to meet you! I breath, every so deeply and hold it even harder. We met her on a Friday. She was wonderful and gracious and brave and a beautiful soul and lover of Dave Matthews Band. Dave had connected us. I took in as many soul breaths as I could take. She was wonderful!

We waited for four days and I felt so much HOPE. So much. And then, as I requested, "Sad News" came through via e-mail that she chose the other family to adopt her precious baby girl and not the "Happy" Phone call I and so many times in my life had prayed we would get.

 

I got the wind knocked out of me. I lost every breath that I had gathered over the past few months. Gone. Just like that.

 

Today, is my 38th Birthday. My wish, every year since turning 32 is that this year I will be a Mama.

 

I am surrounded by saddness, and anger and shaking heads and support and prayer and questions and words of encouragement and love and no words at all, just quiet support in the stillness of a moment and xoxo's <3.

 

I take in a small breath, daring to breath again. Putting one knee up to dare to stand again. I find it deep, deep inside to start to stand.

 

I take her upstairs for an afternoon nap. My sweet baby girl neice, Davis. The sweet baby I get to be blessed by everyday because my Sissy let's me share her and be her "Nanny Aunt". I take her up stairs, one step at a time, her tiny legs climb the stairs with ease now. She can almost do it on her own. We read a book in the glider that was given to me by a stranger almost  a year ago today who asked that I simply remember it is filled with LOVE. I hum to her softly as I do at every nap. She looks up into my face with her sweet smile and lifts her tiny hand to my mouth as I hum

and

 I kiss it.

She smiles even bigger and brings it back again for a kiss. I kiss her tiny baby girl hand. We play as I hum to her and giggle and laugh in the sweetest moment I've ever had on my Birthday. In that instant, in that one single moment, I catch a deep, deep soul breath and...she heals me.

 

 This baby girl, that is not from my body but in my heart. This baby girl that is truly and fully shared everyday with me by my sister. This baby girl, that God has given as a gift to love while I wait for the one that He will bring to me to call my very own. And that baby too will be allowed to be shared by everyone who loves them because they will be a beautiful Gift from God.

 

This post was written from anger, and sadness and a hollow hole of a heart that hasn't quite recovered her breath yet. It was written through tear stained cheeks and deep breaths dared to be taken and

 

once again

 

 because of her...

 

I was given HOPE from "Our" own two hands.

 

XOXO

But the Brokeness is Beautiful...

"But the Brokenness is Beautiful..."

   

Broken, 

We are ALL Broken.

Every single one of us has been Broken at one time in our lives.

It's what we do with the "Brokenness" and how we are changed by it that matters. 

It's what we do to find the Beauty in all that matters.

It's looking up one day and knowing that being broken means that we are not Perfect. 

Being broken, is knowing that we have cracks in us. 

Being broken, means that we tried.

Being broken, means that things happened in our life that were beyond our control 

and

 it

 just 

"happens".

BUT

When we are able to see that the "Brokenness is Beautiful",

Then we can heal...

It helps me to know that every time something doesn't go the way I thought it would,

  it can be beautiful too! 

It can be even more that I expected.

It can be even fuller that I imagined.

It CAN be Beautiful too!

I came across this phrase from a song by Chris Sligh. 

I encourage you to listen to it here.

"We're broken in two with love as an anchor

There's nothing to do but give in, give in
Mirror less eyes give off a reflection
The moonlight is fair as we rise again

Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we've left behind?
Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we'll never find?

We're giving into sweet desperation
When all this is through, we'll give in, give in
Channels of grace give off the aroma
Of love mixed with pain and hope raised again

Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we've left behind?
Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we'll never find?

The world is broken in too many pieces
But the brokenness is beautiful, it's beautiful
My heart is broken by beauty's mysteries
But the brokenness is beautiful, it's beautiful

Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we've left behind?
Oh, can we move on, can we move on
From the love we'll never find? Yeah

The world is broken in too many pieces
But the brokenness is beautiful, it's beautiful
My heart is broken by beauty's mysteries
But the brokenness is beautiful, it's beautiful"

 -Chris Sligh

To me,

This means that we experience heartache, 

we see things that hurt,

We feel things that just don't make sense...

But after we give in to whatever God is bringing us through,

Then we can see the beauty in the brokenness.

He allows us to be broken so that we can 

grow more 

and feel more 

and open our hearts to more

and become "MORE". 

He makes beautiful things out of the Brokenness. 

I had my art show again for Arts d'Vine. 

I made some beautiful new pieces that came from so many broken places

 but when you put them all together 

they make such a Beautiful collection.

I am pleased with what I made this year. 

I was very inspired by old hymns as you will see. 

  

Some fun knobs and hooks on old picket fencing.

"love heals"

Dry erase boards with handmade or antique flowers.

Beautiful Burlap Flowers!

Mom and Sissy Photo Bomb!!!

(Yep, I put it on here!)

Crazy eyes after the night was over! FUN, exhausting and so worth it!

This post was created out of a place that is a little Broken sometimes, 

a little sad about how things don't always look 

or

 happen the way you thought they would,

but

 also from a place that finds the beauty in that "Brokenness" every single time

 and

 the ability to see that there can be so much more in that

and

 it was all made by my own two hands.

XOXO,

JillyG

I haven't met you, but I Love you already!

Where have you been?! 

(I can hear you saying in my head...)

Well, We are still waiting for our beautiful baby to find it's way to our arms 

BUT...

We have been working on the nursery!!!! 

(So, this is a post about how I am allowing my heart to open even more and push through the empty feeling in my heart and begin to really believe that something wonderful is about to happen.) 

Ever since my husband and I moved into this home I have known where the nursery would be. 

At first, it was fine to have it filled with a queen bed and decorated as a guest room because the time would come naturally when we would just Poof! change it over to a nursery. 

Well...here we are almost 5 years later and I have decided to turn it into the room it's meant to be. 

You see, 

I do not believe in waiting for the appropriate time to live your life anymore.

 (I used to...but not anymore!)

I had another one of my epiphanies the other day. 

After spending the entire summer sad and truthfully apathetic about the whole 

Adoption "Waiting Room" thing, 

I just decided I needed to reconnect with this baby that I know in my heart exists 

and

 will one day be in my arms! 

I knew I need to do "something" and it just seemed like it is time to get this nursery going. 

(Now I hear "Pro-ject!" in my head in a sing-song-y voice...)

I first set out to create a really cool electrical spool that will be turned into a bookshelf, 

but that is a separate DIY Post in and of it's self. 

So instead, I'll tell ya about how

I have been Pinning all kinds of ideas for months and months 

and 

finally realized that I like vintage and sea glass colors. 

Therefore, my nursery shall be called "Sea-Glass Vintage-y"!!!

Err.... Or, Something like that.

Now, before I get into the endless stream of adorable pictures showing the transformation of said space into 

"Sea Glass Vintage-y"!!! 

(Yep, It needs a different name.)

I need to tell you that just about every piece in this entire room was given out of LOVE by someone who is "carrying" us through this project. 

I am warning you now, I WILL talk about you and it WILL be sweet and sappy,

 'cause that's just the kinda gal I am! 

OKAY!

First, Matt put in Bead Board...

This part consisted mainly of Matt doing a lot of hard work,

Measuring and Sawing and More Measuring and Caulking and Measuring 

And Me,

 Making him Smile like he meant it b/c one day our baby would see this and it was a memory...

(Me = Mean!)

Next, I chose the paint color

From all of these samples...

(We chose the one that is the third from the left)

Now to paint it! 

Took me 3 days, help from my Mom and several late nights alone listening to Pandora.

Well, Not alone...

 Tiggy was very curious!

(It's not perfect but it's done and Matt doesn't have to be a weekend warrior for a while!) 

Now comes the part where I  Pan around the room and show and tell,

My "Sea-Glass Vintage-y" Nursery!!

  Let's start with the dresser that my Mom gave me. 

She told me that she always thought it would be a great changing table one day...

After some cream paint, it has become one! 

(and a converter top which will come later)  

My parents also gave me the mirror that I had above my childhood dresser to hang over it eventually.

I had to really clean it up a bit but I adore it! 

(This is the window on the front of the house. I somehow missed the pic of it completed...)

Okay, Let's talk about this gorgeous Glider!!!!

This Glider and Ottoman were given to me by one of my Angels on Earth.

Her name is Julie and she hardly knew me. 

She found out I was starting to make a nursery 

and was looking for furniture to add to it on a very, very small budget. 

So, we e-mailed back and forth about price etc...

When we had settled on the price, I told her about my journey and sent her my blog.

Several hours later, I got an e-mail back that she and her husband had talked about it and decided to

 GIVE me the glider and ottoman!! 

Give it to me! (She had never met me but she decided to "carry" me anyway!!!) 

Seriously, People are amazing and God is even more A-mazing!

The only thing she asked is that I thought of how much LOVE was already in this Glider from when she rocked her babies to sleep and read so many books to them when I rock my baby in it. 

I am here to tell you that people may think it's just a piece of furniture but that Glider is FULL of LOVE and I LOVE it so much!!

The next thing I got was our crib...

Back in December when we were halfway through the paperwork process we were given money from our Grandmothers for Christmas. 

We decided to go ahead and use that money to get a crib. 

It's a simple Jenny Lind crib but it's just right and all of our Grandmothers gave it to us!

Now you can see the Electrical Spool! 

I have already stained it and Bri-Waxed it but it's only halfway done. 

I acquired this spool from a dear friend of mine named Becca. 

I simply decided one day that I wanted to do a Pinterest project and turn a spool into a bookshelf. 

I asked on FaceBook if anyone could get one for me and Becca's husband found one for me for FREE!!!!

Now, Becca is very special to me and has been an amazing friend to me through this journey to adoption. 

You see, Becca knows every part of how my heart feels because she is a Mama through adoption to two beautiful children!!!

 I know that God placed her in my life for many reasons 

but I know now that we have stayed so close because

 I would need this friendship.

 I am amazed at how God just does that all of the time! 

I am loving how it's turning out and can't wait to show you what the final result will be! 

This is a Pie-Safe...

Do you know what Pie-Safe is?

 A Pie-Safe is a piece of furniture that has shelves and hole-poked tin to allow for air to cool the food on a side porch until supper. But most of all it was to keep the flies off of the yummy homemade blackberry cobbler! 

This Pie-Safe was given to me by My Mom. She got it from my Grandaddy and he got it from his Daddy...That makes it my Great-Great-Grandfather's Pie Safe. 

He made it by hand and I think It's close to 80 - 90 years old!! 

I grew up with it and now it's mine to use!!!

 I ADORE it!!

(Here it is closer up before I got it to "shine" again!)

These books were mine growing up! They are well-read and well-loved!

 The frame on top was given to me from My Mom when I needed to remember that all I had to do was to Spread my Wings and Fly!!

I got this Frog from Ikea one day and it's the first thing I got for our baby!

Matt and I both had our copies of  "The Pooh Story Book" and of course we need

 "The Little Prince" (Even if we have a girl). 

My original Artwork "You were born in my heart"

Over the door. 

This will go in too at some point when I find the right spot. 

This was given to me recently by my childhood friend, Julie. 

I have known her since I was six years old...

She is the kind of friend that just knows you need a little something sometimes. 

She is so thoughtful, and even has a pin board called 

"Reminds me of" where she pins things that just remind her of her friends. 

I Love that about her. 

She just sees things and thinks of you, just like that.

She is the kind of friend that can go in and out of my life and pick right back up where we were last time.

 I LOVE those friends. 

The kinds you can not talk to for years but if you called them at 3:00 in the morning 

and said you needed them,

 they wouldn't ask, 

they'd

 just

 come. 

(This is the closet where I threw everything that needs to find a new home...)

YIKES!!! That is an entire weekend of work...

(I Look like a Hoarder!)

So, that is the Nursery. 

The Sea-glass Vintage-y Nursery...

and I just love it so much! 

It is filled with so much time and my Husband's hard working hands and sweat. 

It is filled with so many inspiring "pins" and  so many things from so many people who are "carrying" me through this journey. 

It is filled with dreams of rocking babies in a glider already well-rocked.

 It is filled with dreams of sleeping babies in a crib that was given to me by a Grandmother's Generosity.

It is filled with inspired projects that were made into something wonderful from the craziest thing like an electrical spool because my friend knew I could do it and believes in my dream!

It is filled with thoughtful gifts just because my friend knows my heart and hopes for my heart's desire.

It is filled with family heirlooms passed down through the generations because it is filled with Love of our History. 

It is filled with and overflowing with the feeling I get every time I look and walk into a room

 that used to

 bring

 me 

to

 tears

 to now being my most favorite room in the entire house.

And it isn't even finished yet...

It is filled with LOVE for a baby that I haven't met yet but already adore.

And it is Handmade by JillyG! 

XOXO